4 A.M. Girl

Iden Crockett

March 15th – April 14th

(Opening Reception March 15th 6:00 PM – 9:00 PM)

4 A.M. Girl by Iden Crockett opens Friday March 15th and runs through April 14th. Iden is a mixed media artist/writer/photographer. She creates deeply personal work examining her struggles with mental health, gender, sexuality, and her experiences as a first responder. She is the author of the award winning newspaper column My Name is Iden and two illustrated collections of poetry: Black, White, and Red All Over and Not Ded, Asleep. You can follow her journey or purchase her work at: https://www.mynameisiden.com/

TRIGGER WARNING: Mental Health Struggles; Suicidal Ideation

It hurts to be this way. The cuts hurt. The cramps hurt and I am so tired.

Have you ever been so tired that you aren’t sure that you are alive? Have you ever been so tired that you want to die just so you can shut your eyes? It’s 4 am. Do you know where your artist is?

this was supposed to help. the art was supposed to help. putting my feelings into words, making pictures when there were no words for those feelings, was supposed to heal me. so what went wrong?

Why am I awake? Again. I am exhausted. Always. I am bleeding. Again. I am hungry. Always. I am crazy in all ways and I always have been.

4 am. Why? Every day I wake up at 4 am.

What went wrong? when did my therapy become my illness? i don’t know. I didn’t know then, I don’t know now, and I don’t imagine I will in the future. But this was never about what I know. It’s about what She feels.

I don’t stop. Ever. Every second I am drawing. I am writing or collaging. In Bed. At work. On the toilet. Piles of pictures. of essays. of photographs and poems.

I don’t eat because I can’t. I don’t sleep because I can’t. I don’t stop because I can’t. She won’t let me.

This, all of it, is Her’s. I am Her’s. Her. The other me. The me that cannot speak but has so much to say. The me that is invisible but needs so badly to be seen.

This is her art. I am her tool and I won’t be finished until she is.

It’s 4 am. Do you know where your artist is?

She is in hell. She is trapped in her own head. She is tired and she is wishing for death.

It is 4 am. She will never be done but, at least, she isn’t alone.

The Robert F. Baldwin Jr. Gallery is open on Thursday – Sunday from 1 – 4 pm between the dates listed at left.


YSAC Community Gallery is now the Robert F. Baldwin Jr. Gallery!
On December 17, 2022, the Yellow Springs Arts Council dedicated our gallery to long time supporter and local philanthropist, Robert Baldwin Jr. It was a private dedication ceremony several speeches, including a beautiful speech by Nancy Mellon about all that YSAC has accomplished over the years & the ways Mr. Baldwin has helped facilitate those accomplishments. Thank you to everyone who took part in this, & thank you Mr. Baldwin for all you’ve done for YSAC! 

Jerome Borchers, Kevin McGruder, John Gudgel, Mayor Pam Conine, Bob Baldwin, Nancy Mellon